Paola Dominguez Bullosa – The vices of love IV. The lie

Violence can only be covered with a lie

and a lie can only be maintained by violence.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

The RAE defines a lie as an expression or manifestation contrary to what is known, thought or felt; also as something that is not true and as an act of lying (…) to lie, according to the same source, means to mislead, to falsify something; breach of promise and/or breach of contract.

Whoever lies about who he is takes on a great responsibility, forcing himself to keep lying and lying to himself, so that in the end… only a minimal part of what he claims is believed.

Aristotle said that there are two aspects to lying; boasting, which consists in exaggerating the truth; and the irony that lies in its reduction, these two correspond to rather light, banal, pious lies. He separated serious lies and called them serious vices.

Not all lies are the same, but they all speak to the moral qualities, ethics, values ​​and principles or humanity of the person telling them. The responsibility for a lie lies with the one who tells it, but also with the one who allows it; especially when it comes to love, because there are those who prefer to live between lies and those who refuse to see them. There are people who prefer to lie to themselves and there are those who, knowing that they are being lied to, prefer that lie to the reality of the non-existence of their fantasies.

Love always keeps a lot of lies, some to avoid suffering, others because the truth is unnecessary, usually because of the inability to be yourself and accept yourself and more… out of plain evil. Love in all its versions can hide behind a lie, it can even—when love is true and real—remain there with a deep mystery.

The surprising thing is that you lie to be loved and you lie to stop loving. Love, unfortunately, endures many lies, not because it is kind, but because of the vulnerability it requires. Love is undoubtedly a catalyst for everyone’s lies and truths.

Psychology indicates ten reasons why someone chooses to lie: 1.- to protect himself; 2.- due to the need for approval; 3.- to cover another lie; 4.- to adapt; 5.- to give importance; 6.- to flatter; 7.- by interests; 8.- to save time; 9.- from mercy and 10.- from revenge. Each of them well describes who lies, the one who lies is a hurt and weak person.

He who lies always knows that he is lying and chooses it that way, knowing also the damage he can cause to himself and others. Lying is disrespectful. It is a collection of complexes and an impossibility to live realistically. Lying in love is always a serious vice, as Aristotle rightly says.

A vice that ends in the happiness of those who dare to lie and who are forced to endure that lie.

True love does not allow violence in any of its forms, and lying as a serious vice is violence because it deceives, because it tries to displace the essence, identity, words and actions; because it embarrasses, condemns and insults the relationship and minimizes the participants in it. In love one does not lie, and if one lies, it is not love, it is just pseudo-love, as Erich Fromm said, a refuge for the loneliness and selfishness of two, just an instinctive and reckless satisfaction… weakened love, fragile, fearful and empty.

That is why today I invite you not to lie and not to lie to yourself, to be authentic and consistent with your words, actions and above all with the principles and values ​​that support your standards of love. Love, like everything, is felt, analyzed, worked and materialized in the small and great moments of life, in the good and in the not so good, in the shadows and in the lights of each one. Love is good and does good, lying is a vice that destroys you and can make it the worst of your experiences. Everyone is free to choose how they want to present themselves to love, but as with all opportunities, I will tell you that few are truly worth it, so demand your best performance and never settle for less, with this minus, which cannot be called love. As always, you choose.

Happy loves, happy life!

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