Self-confidence, the companion for the love of two » Al Poniente

Love? What is love? How to have great love? Many in your life ask these questions, and perhaps I am the least qualified to tell you what it is, how to show it, or what you need to do to receive great love, the kind of love that everyone would like “nice, beautiful , lovely, gentle, eternal, etc.’; Above all I am a human being like you and what I want is to give my humble and simple opinion to anyone who needs to hear it.

My writing will not only be based on my point of view, but also on the opinion and the work “The Art of Loving” by the great writer Erich Fromm, I will try to make this text as frugal as possible for anyone who likes to read and analyze ..

So let’s go back to the question of what is love? I would never know how to explain it, sometimes it’s something beautiful, other times something very painful, you can go from being 100% happy to 100% sad, but we always go wanting to be at the highest point of happiness , since since Western times we have embodied this thought, which we can better understand by what Erich Fromm tells us in his work entitled The Art of Loving (1959), “everyone is thirsty for love; They watch countless movies based on happy love stories, listen to hundreds of trivial songs about love, and yet hardly anyone thinks that there is anything to learn about love.

Likewise, from western and modern times we are taught why we should be loved and that love will always be beautiful and eternal, that love is only to see the person as a loved object, not to see love as an ability, and only then will be worthy of love.

As Erich Fromm said, from past times we have seen love as an object, and a clear example is: that marriage was concluded by agreement between the respective families or through a marriage agent and never by the love that was for the person.

Love is not just chemistry, it is not hugs, kisses, caressing, etc., love is more than that, it is mutual support, it does not limit your partner but supports him to grow, it gives freedom to the being this love, prioritize to their interests, but it is true that in order to give love, you must first give love to yourself, be yourself, your own friend, your own lover, and from there try to give your best for another a person, but without losing myself for you, without losing my individuality.

Love is letting your soul mate live, being his companion, not being dependent on a person, as in this example he notes: “I like living life, so obviously I won’t have a partner to limit me , I have a lot of goals and I really like to work, I’m independent, I don’t need to be attached 24/7 to someone, I always go out together and being good depends on whether I’ve gone out or not, or if I’ve seen my friends”.

Stop normalizing your emotional codependency and being closed off to your partners.

If we continue to have these thoughts, we can end up with immature ways of loving that Erich Fromm (1959) calls the symbiotic union: “the symbiotic union has its biological pattern in the relationship between the pregnant mother and the fetus. They are two and yet only one. They live “together” (symbiosis), they need each other. The fetus is a part of the mother and receives from her what it needs; mother is his world, so to speak; It feeds him, protects him, but his own life is also improved by it. In the psychic symbiotic union the two bodies are independent, but psychologically the same kind of connection exists.

The passive form of symbiotic union is submission or, to use a clinical term, masochism. The masochistic person avoids the unbearable feeling of isolation and paralyzes himself by becoming part of another person who guides him, guides him, protects him, who is his life and the air he breathes, so to speak.

All this, perhaps it is easy to translate into text, but it is not easy to have this capacity for love; love, now that I understand it, should be a healthy relationship, to be able to give and have time for that person, to be able to express myself honestly and allow the person next to me to express their feelings and ideas without putting question or judge his thoughts , go out and let her be free “go with friends, family” without any distrust or jealousy and even if you can go to bed happy, without anger for remembering things from the past, we must to be the complement to the person we want you to be with, not a burden, these and more reasons should include a healthy relationship that everyone wants to give and receive.

Now when I write this I feel happy and good but at the same time I feel sad and angry because as they say you always see the things you want until you let them go, you always remember the beautiful things, the beautiful moments, the laughs, the beautiful outings , but that’s not life, not love, life and love, that’s facing what you don’t know and going through hard things so that you can react to similar situations that happen to you, with that , no i say it should always be like this but rather there is always an opportunity to look for your self esteem which is the healthiest thing to be able to give love to other people you just have to suffer feel alive feel the emotions and your feelings and with that to move on, after suffering and catharsis, peace always comes and that love you’ve always been looking for, so change your thinking, your ideas, your posture and fight so you can win love to yourself, which you have to offer to the related s and soul or of that person you love to

That being said, I want you to think and let these words sink in: “I knew she deserved better, but I knew it would hurt me to see her around someone else, so get better, get better for love, get better so that I don’t lose it and thus tell this soul mate. It wasn’t easy, but I did it.”

Just look for your self-love, find yourself and offer your best self to your soulmate. I know that in this life no one wants separateness, for the experience of it causes anguish, and man’s deepest need is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his loneliness.

We need to know that life is a place of suffering and with that make you stronger, in the aspects you never imagined or never wanted to be, because yes, you never imagine being in the sad moments from your life, you will always want and think about the happy moments.

We have always had to experience negative emotions, they are essential in our lives; sadness helps us connect with our inner self and encourages us to reorganize, disappointment helps us break down the unrealistic ideas we have and thus see reality objectively, anger provides us with resources to deal with different situations and sadness makes us it hurts less and fear helps us see the points we need to work on and strengthen to face difficult situations.

All these emotions are necessary and important because there can be no light and peace without darkness.

Remember that it is always okay to suffer and go through difficult times in life to achieve the peace you need. That’s right, this is life and love is similar.

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