Love in the age of TINDER

Love in the present.

By: Maria Fernanda Leaño

And where was the romance? Maybe in some dusty library. In a caption with inspirational quotes on Instagram, in a virtual reality that doesn’t even exist, a spiritual phrase accompanied by photos of some subject boarding a private jet (of a friend), or under a virtual gallery-catalogue of bikini photos, perhaps it’s in this new filter that makes your skin look perfect.

I don’t know, maybe it disappeared with the serenades that were said to have existed. Or in the days when there was no mobile phone, but rarely in apps, because today flirting consists of instant gratification (everything quick, fleeting). I see you, I click, I like, I like you: we talk, maybe we see each other for a night or a month, two at most, but you are not, because there are more “you” in the networks, who are probably much better than you, there is always next best thing. We are the voracious generation.

Digital beings in a human body that have long needed love and company, but we no longer know where to find them. Maybe we have a partner to avoid loneliness or put on our fishnets because a great body or a guy with gold watches is just a click away and collective envy, travel, yachts, luxury. Perfection. But one “big, but really deep down, almost everyone feels empty in the real world, while we invent a perfect virtual reality and carry a small attached computer in our hand.”

And this is that we ALL use the networks to promote some personal project, even why not say it? We do it for self promotion. The point is that there are also some (almost the majority) who show a different character than they actually are in the physical world. For example, they appear to be self-confident, rich or pleasant people, but in real life they are shy and insecure, physically imperfect like the rest of us, and luxury items are alien. Also, unfortunately we are in the age of digital nomads where people seek to acquire riches without the greatest efforts and it is one thing to self-promote, it is quite another to work hard to achieve success, which requires discipline and persistence in the real world or perhaps in digital businesses that aren’t necessarily social apps where every “Instagrammable” moment is shared.

There are those of us who may already have other investments out there that aren’t exposed on the networks that serve as a cushion to achieve courage on the networks, but business is here in life, so there are also so many people who want to get out there in some medium and be discovered, of course it’s happened but it’s not a very common thing, it’s rare to be honest and, well, going back to the subject of love, going into the 2000s and with the creation of Facebook, Tinder, Instagram, TikTok and various social media platforms, we live in a current crisis where the sense of conquest has been lost. Knowing each other physically and seeing a defect, real, as they virtually cover each other: next bye, bye, next. And we live it like this, since perfection does not exist, “ah!, only in the networks”. So love fades?

Well, it would be necessary to define what love means today, it will be, maybe for some gentlemen, to bring with them some model or a beautiful lady who is quite Instagrammable, someone who dresses him, who says: Wow! How did pedro he get this mamasitaashhhh?, and well pedro met her on instagram and invited her to the beach on his boyfriend’s plane, he bought her a gucci bag and takes her to good restaurants on saturdays, sometimes to the beach, she wants married Pedro to support this life, but maybe he’s still dating don Juan, who’s a friend of Pedro’s father, but since he’s a grandfather now and he’s married, he’s discreet, he’s a father figure for this girl, she helps him when he’s in trouble, that’s so cute. And well, Pedro is a pimp. Imagine the keychain it comes with as an accessory. The future “mother of his children”. And what will happen when she gets older and that bikini body loses its shape? Will they have things in common?

Similarly, girls look for “juniors” or moguls to show off the “great life on social media” when in reality they have a hard time even paying their rent. Then we have Lupita, she’s a blogger, she calls and emails the PR of luxury brands, she’s the blue popcorn on the interwebs and has a lot of followers, they give her bags and shoes and fancy outfits, they take her on trips so He uploads them on his networks and apparently says he’s making millions for working with brands, when he’s really making money in kind: they’re giving him trips and “products” to post in Unboxing.

More Lupita is looking for a rich husband, but the rich man is already busy with Miss Kolyma or an aspiring Russian top model, Lupita is famous on the networks and is followed by girls who aspire to have her lifestyle. So, Lupita gets on a dating app. I mean it wouldn’t be Tinder anymore, that’s a thing of the past, I’d use something like Raya. And there he’ll find some handsome guys getting on (a friend’s) private jet, probably because his rich buddy doesn’t want to be kidnapped, so his “group” pretends to be a tycoon. Lupita goes out with a friend of Pedro’s who she met on the app, they go to dinner, he sees her and is disappointed in the first 5 minutes because she is not wearing the belt that appears in her photos, nor the perfect skin, not much.minus the confidence reflected in “her pictures” while Lupita noticed he didn’t arrive in a Mercedes and in the first minute she noticed he didn’t have a rolex, then minimal effort to impress he didn’t show up either until he self-centeredly did not decide that “well, no more”, and when he gets there, he asks for a bottle of expensive wine and begins to apply the name fall, I know such people (apparently with the last name ) and such is my friend, we always go to Miami and Europe, so, so am I. We’re doing a millionaire business blah, blah, and me.

I’m a simple person, zero pretense, he continues, I don’t like to wear a watch, I’m not going to get robbed, then Lupita thinks, well, he’s not ugly, and they end up in bed, never to see each other again except to meet at social events. two trying to climb the ladder to power. They turn around when they see each other and pretend they don’t know each other. Perhaps they greet each other coldly. They are only visible in “insta stories”. Smart. It is said that before people treated each other, I mean there was a time to do, to write, to hang out, to go to the movies (not Netflix and Chill), to talk, the gallant passes past the girl and his mother comes out giving them time to arrive and well he took her home at decent hours to be “good to the in-laws”. She was supposed to talk to you at your house, she stayed on the phone and didn’t go out waiting for his call, then it rang, rang, Dad answered and she asked for privacy: “Close, Dad, I’m talking.”

Could our parents be right? Did romanticism die because of the lack of time to get to know them, to really fall in love with the soul? maybe tell us about our projects and visions from here to old age? Look for similarities in education and culture to be a long-term match, to be romantic companions and best friends at the same time, and to have the same projection on parenting and marriage, slowly closing in on what we’re looking for (ie , if today in this day and age we really know). You see what artists/writers are like, every single one of us, like it or not, is a hopeless romantic. A few times I went out with a couple of people from dating apps in New York, “they were hip” and this couple literally said to me, “You’re beautiful, what are you doing here on the app, is there something wrong or why do I know you here?” To which I reply, well, you’re here too, it’s been chaos and well, I’d better get out of these things that haven’t helped me personally any more than hanging out at dinner or desperate to get married, and taxi a driver according to Trump who I almost slapped. Many tell me, “You’re very pretty, you must have a line of men looking for you,” and well, those who read me always see that I’m wrong about confidence, so I answer them: of course I have a line behind me . What happens is it’s not a competition, they’re not for me and I won’t be with someone until I find the right person; with common interests, such as culture, they are surprised and ask me: “What does the right person symbolize for you?”, “Oh, that’s easy!” they think I’m going to lock her up in a cage just for me to take care of me and raise my kids while I work and have fun.” Because, whether it seems or not, machismo continues to exist on a global scale. Although women are fighting for rights.

Patriarchy still reigns, less so, but it is there. Also today it is difficult for men to find beautiful women with education and class who are fun and relatable at the same time, so they choose interested women, maybe uneducated but pleasant and good looking. So I repeat. Where is that love that Pedro Infante sang about? Disappeared? Did he die with Romeo and Juliet? Who knows… I keep seeing “fake pictures of men kneeling with paparazzi behind them and the girl pretending to be surprised with her hands on her face (she’s not surprised, she already knew about the ring)”. But let’s not be confused, romanticism is not a company, it is a continuous conquest. love that hurts Complicity. Art. And well, anyway, while this whole revolution of the disappearance of romanticism goes on, I enjoy my nights alone reading classic authors, those who see love as life and death.

To find love between the pages of dusty books on my bookshelf, in love with now dead authors. Longing for faded romanticism, not settling for mere “company”. #theworldasmybackyard


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