Paola Dominguez Bullosa – The vices of love III. Pride

Pride precedes the fall.

Eugene O’Neill

Pride, according to the RAE, is a feeling of satisfaction with one’s own achievements, abilities or merits; and also as self-love and self-respect. Psychology calls this pride positive pride. The RAE also defines pride as arrogance, vanity, excessive self-confidence, which usually leads to a sense of superiority. The latter psychology calls negative pride.

Positive pride will always be good. Enhancing admiration in a love relationship, whatever the relationship, is good and necessary both for those who possess virtue and for those who have the ability to recognize it.

Negative pride is different, it is that pride that minimizes us and destroys ourselves and others. It is this dyke and that wall which some choose to impose and impose upon themselves as a defence; it is that failed choice behind which they hide in their inability to master their differences, their emotions or their thoughts. Pride, therefore, is that capricious feeling which marks an absurd distance between error and decision; between truth and falsehood; between condemnation and liberation… negative pride is the silence of the incompetent, the arrogant, the stupid… the proud, therefore, belongs to a parasitic being who imposes his stupidity because he prefers to win rather than grow, because he prefers to nurture this intransigence towards the done mistake. Pride is the protective shield of the unspeakable, which does not contribute, which takes away peace, trust and security.

Pride, therefore, is devastating because when it speaks it hurts and when it is silent it kills… Its words, all of them, are poison that tries to make us believe that we don’t deserve… a small thing. Therefore, pride does not protect dignity, but excessive ego. And worst of all is the manipulative silence of the proud, this silence that inspires endless mental fantasies, that paints an endless number of perverse scenarios that try to partially decipher the reason for the absence, abuse and assigned blame. Pride is the wrong choice of offensive details that solemnly embellish a base, foundation, root problem… it is the prelude to the fall.

Because no sane person can find a solution in pride. The solutions lie in humility, in the clarity that balances the scale of the facts, in the analytical reflection that allows us to assign to each our proportionate share of responsibility. I insist, you must know how to name emotions and express them confidently. Love, in any of its forms, requires some vulnerability, it requires the admission of wrongdoing and the firm intention to make amends, it requires transparency, will, truth, understanding, empathy and commitment. In love there is no room for insane pride, for that pride that takes us away from the purpose, from the goal, from the reason for that closeness that we consider precious.

Negative pride closes all channels of communication. Trust me, nothing impoverishes a relationship more than the silence filled with doubt, the bad manners and the arrogant attitude of someone who believes he is superior and who believes he has the power to wear the other down with his neglect. No one deserves this much attention from you.

That is why today I invite you to know how to use pride, to know how to name your emotions and allow yourself complex, complicated and difficult conversations in the name of this love; to work with humility, dignity, respect and understanding.

Remember that each one of us until today has lived life, perceived it, appreciated it and accepted it in a different way; everyone has their own experiences, priorities, interests, shortcomings, needs, skills and talents. Unfortunately, not all of us have the psionic abilities to read the minds of others; closeness, will, shared facts and words is all we have to be able to create harmony in relationships.

Love should be enough to not allow us to be clouded by pride and take the risk of expressing what we honestly feel. Make no mistake, he who chooses negative pride does not choose himself, but chooses his own fear and chooses it over you and himself. And we don’t need someone that cowardly in our lives. Love beautifies life, not destroys it. As always, you choose.

Happy loves, happy life!

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