About suffering after marriage

I have an image that needs to be implanted, it’s a very old image, but I’m walking through a square holding hands with my mother, and in the distance we see a house lit up and surrounded by people, and my mother tells me: They’re watching Aramburu there. I remember that was when I first heard about this practice called kidnapping. Some time later I followed the kidnapping of Aldo Moro through the newspapers and his subsequent assassination by Renato Curcio’s Red Brigades. The photo of Moreau’s bullet-riddled body in the back of a truck still hasn’t been erased from my mind. At the time, I thought kidnapping was a moral defeat for any revolutionary group. In the same way that you cannot make a revolution without joy. When revolutionary groups militarize the spirit, they are already defeated.

In high school, a classmate kidnapped his classmate. The case lasted two days and we were all blown away. Our partner – whom I will call Momi – was the daughter of an industrialist. Our partner – whom I’ll call Negro Perez – was compulsively repetitive. The police came to the school and interrogated all of Momi’s classmates and especially “tightened up” Sebastian, her friend, the main suspect. Two days later, Momi was found smoking a joint with Negro Perez, her captor, in her father’s country house. It was a neighborhood version of Stockholm syndrome.

In the late 1970s in North Korea, Kim Jong Il, who during the dictatorship of his father – Kim Il Sung – was the head of the party’s strategic propaganda, had an obsession with cinema, which led him to accumulate the largest numbers, can would, of the movies of all time. He tried to make going to the movies in North Korea compulsory, but he couldn’t make movies that sought to protect the regime, not soporifics. So he came up with a brilliant plan: to kidnap Madam Choi – a South Korean movie star – and her ex-husband Shin Sang-Ok, who was the most important film director in South Korea. What drove Kim Jong Il crazy was that the regime in Seoul had a thriving film production that added to its prestige. Sounds like a movie plot Mission Impossible, No? The thing is that secret agents kidnapped the actress and the director, and after four years in prison they managed to break them and made several films, cooperating with the regime of the cinema-loving dictator. that’s where it comes from Pulgasaria monster movie that had perhaps the greatest impact due to the quality of the film. Pulgasari It’s kind of a remake of Godzilla, but in this case the monster helps the villagers rebel. Thanks to the help of a Japanese journalist, the actress and director were able to escape the North Korean regime and seek asylum in the US embassy. Then they returned to Seoul. Now they are dead.

Many years ago, Robert Lowell changed the course of American poetry with his book Life science, which shocked readers who loved and hated it in equal measure. To catalog this book, where Lowell – an expert on nervous breakdowns and hospitalizations – writes harsh poems, critics find the name “Confessional Poetry”. It’s a poetic line that influenced Sylvia Plath and continues to this day with Sharon Olds. There is a poem in Life science which is masterly, and which is entitled A Discourse on the Unhappiness of Marriage. Today, one could write a newer version of this old poem and title it “A Discourse on Postmarital Misery.” And one of those misfortunes is the way some mothers tend to kidnap their children in exchange for money.

For a long time I thought that what was going to collapse was civilization, but the one that collapsed was me. It was afternoon when I could not see my children.

Alexandra Kohan in a brilliant article published in Polvo magazine and entitled The mother: the taboo of femininity, provides an explanation for this phenomenon: “That children are held hostage by their separated parents is repeated ad nauseam. But he avoids uttering the word kidnapping. I support gender equality in terms of rights and responsibilities. In this sense, I understand that maintenance should be equal for both parents, both are important and indispensable in parenting. I also understand that there are couples who do not have to go to court to settle these matters, that the agreement exists without the mediation of letters or documents, and that in this sense they are protected from third party influence in parenting decisions. I also know that there are irresponsible and absent parents and in these cases justice helps. Now I want to refer to the way in which in some cases the two levels are superimposed on current parents: money in exchange for the child. If he has money, the father can see the son, if he doesn’t, he can’t. Isn’t that the formula for kidnapping? Money in exchange for the release of the hostage? (…) I wonder why there is still not more visibility about the way children are manipulated and objectified, I wonder why it is so naturalized that the mother is more important than the father, I wonder why we don’t reject this a little more strongly form of child abuse, and I respond, a little presumptuously, that noticing the objectification of children by these women would lead us to think of them as an active and violent place, a problem we don’t seem to want to know about” .

For a long time I thought that what was going to collapse was civilization, but the one that collapsed was me. It was afternoon when I could not see my children. Justice and bureaucracy are often twin sisters, and in family cases there is a consensus: the father is the male provider and the mother is the nurturer and protector. The father is someone who comes to visit, like a medical representative. Sometimes someone tells you: when you get rid of the children, we’ll see each other. But I don’t free myself from the children, my children free me.


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